Saturday, January 17, 2015

hesitation

this morning I had a cold
a bad cough a slight fever
still I dragged myself out of bed
and started the day
the habitual chores that need doing
the rituals that need repeating.

and I wondered at my father
all those years ago
how he awoke every morning 
to the stones strewn at the bottom
and unhesitatingly
he gathered them up.

with shoulders and arms staining
sweat pouring from every pore
dragging on each breath
into tobacco poisoned lungs
huffing the shallow gasps
humming tunelessly.

the breath gurgled and growled
the heartbeat stuttered and started
tendons popped and coiled
the muscle bunched and squeezed
the calloused hands
with missing fingers.

missteps all but forgotten
but for the discolored slick scars
the thick cracked chipped nails
clinging to the edges
slip a little bit
and clinch again.

each push a gain upward
each fraction measured 
and again remeasured
each cut precise and fit
each nail hammered flush
and set deep.

a moment pauses
and I catch his eyes on me
what does he see there
a helping hand
or a hinderance
a waste of time and space.

night comes
the mirror beckons
his faces stares out at me
silent approving disapproving
I am afraid to ask the question
I know what the answer will be.

jeg 1/17/15

An Animal Abandoned

huddled against the wind
cutting through the hope
the last pieces of love and kindness
hanging in tatters
a memory of warmth and light
fading with life.

huddled against the rain
seeping through the coat
the last pieces of food and energy
growling inside
a memory of sated satisfaction
fading with life.

huddled against the ice
weighing on the skin
the last pieces of civil humanity
shattering about
a memory of safe society
fading with life.

huddled against the cold
numbing deep the heart
the last pieces of the gentle touch
lingering in dreams
a memory of kindness caress
fading with life.

huddled against the night
darkening the soul
the last pieces of light crumble
blindness around
a memory of a brightened face
fading with life.

huddled against the fear
quivering in the moment
the last pieces of time unfold
fluttering futilely
a memory of all that was
fading with life.

jeg. 12/30/14